Mack-A-Low-Ba

A quick story:

So this evening (about 20 minutes ago), I got tired of studying and a little antsy. Every day on my way home from school, I pass this big building that says "massage" on the front. It looks pretty nice, and pretty clean. Anyways around 5:30 I decided I was going to go down-stairs and get a massage - I've been running every day and playing Squash and Badminton and I'm pretty sore and tired, and I heard you can get a good massage for cheap. So I went downstairs and across the street, and walked in to the Massage parlor. I know what you're thinking... The massage parlor is also a brothel, big deal. Well, why don't you not make assumptions and read on... Anyways, I was greeted by a professional looking guy with a white button-down shirt and black trousers. Here's how the conversation went.

(me) "你好”(hello)

(him) "你好”(hello)

(me)“一个小时多少钱？”(What do you charge by the hour?)

(him)“你要什么?”(What do you want?)

(me)“我要按磨”(A massage)

(him)“你要 mack-a-low-ba?" (Do you want a "mack-a-low-ba")

(me) “一个什么？你可以说中文。”(a what? you can speak chinese)

(him) “一个mack-a-loba! mack-a-lo-ba!! MACK-A-LOW-BA! 听得懂了吗？”（A mack-a-low-ba! mack-a-low-ba!! MACK-A-LOW-BA! Do you know what I'm saying?)

(me) “我还不听懂了”(I still don't understand)

At this point, he leaned in with a glimmer in his eye, and wispered in my ear something I couldn't understand in chinese. It was then that I noticed the three pretty, experienced looking girls in the corner of the room in short skirts.

(me)“现在听得懂了”(now I understand)

(him) “挤眼”(wink)

(me) “这个不是我要的。 我要按磨”(that's not what I want. I want a massage)

(him) “我们这儿没有”(we don't have that here)

(me) “好的。 再不要”(alright, thanks anyways)

(him) “慢慢走！”(have a good one!)

(scantily-clad ladies) “再见！”(see you soon!)

(me) "Probably not..." (probably not...)

So, it was a massage parlor is a brothel story. I kinda expected it too. But let me tell you the funny part (all funny stories need someone to tell you the funny part.). I find it funny that they don't even pretend to offer massages. Maybe I don't have that "chinese police officer" look, but still! He was so happy to tell me they don't have massages. A little discretion would be nice; the only pretense was that it said "massage" when you walk in, and on the sign outside. Anyways, that's my story.

Zai Jian!

P.S. The real reason I walked out was because their prices were too high! I mean 100 kuai an hour?? C'MON.

P.P.S. The previous "p.s." was a joke.

P.P.P.S. Or was it?

P.P.P.P.S. Yes.